


mischief managed

by chqrmspoken



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Gen, Harry Potter - Freeform, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter Die, James Potter - Freeform, James Potter Dies, Lily Evans - Freeform, Lily Evans Potter Dies, Lily Potter - Freeform, Peter Pettigrew - Freeform, jily, remus lupin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27309679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chqrmspoken/pseuds/chqrmspoken
Summary: Sirius finds out what happened in Godric's Hollow and rushes there.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 1





	1. October 31, 1981

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to quickly say that I am not really familiar with the tagging on ao3 (yet).  
> But to avoid any possible triggers: this follows pretty much directly the canon storyline on what happens in the days between October 31 and November 4, 1981. It's told from Sirius's pov and includes his emotions and thoughts.

Sirius had been staring at the wall, even though Albus Dumbledore‘s Patronus had disappeared what felt like ages earlier. The silver Phoenix had flapped his winks and a voice, clearly Albus Dumbledore’s himself, had delievered the most horrible message Sirius could’ve ever gotten. 

Suddenly he only saw red, everything was so red, red like blood. He almost couldn’t form a thought in his head. It was as had his legs suddenly lost the will to carry his body, his throat felt constricted and he had to literally gasp for air. 

This was impossible. That couldn’t be true. It was impossible. It simply couldn’t be. 

In hindsight he wasn’t able to tell how long it took him to get up, put on his jacket and scribble a short message for Remus onto one of those ugly yellow post-it’s. He even couldn’t tell how he even managed to get up and do all of this. He didn’t know what had given him the strength but his money was on hope. 

In hindsight he experienced everything through a filter. As if someone had put a blurry filter over all of his memories, even cut some of them. He didn’t remember going down the stairs, not grabbing his motorbike, not the moment his bike’s wheels left the concrete beneath him. He still felt the cold night wind on his cheeks, his hair getting into his sight. He had forgot to put on his glasses and his helmet. They were safely stored unterneath his seat. But this was more important. You gotta watch out for you, he heard the voices of his friends saying. Always wear your helmet, Padfoot, if you really were to fall down once, you’d be stone dead. 

Dead. 

Dead. 

… 

Dead. 

It doesn’t matter anymore, Sirius responded to James in his thoughts. If you … should Dumbledore be right … I don’t want to. I couldn’t. 

Even though his cheeks were numb he still felt the hot tears streaming down. The quite voice of sanity came forward. Why would Dumbledore lie to you about such a serious topic? The hopes of the whole world rely on him. 

And as much Sirius tried to find a resonable solution, deep down inside he knew that Dumbledore wasn’t lying. And as he landed in front of the destroyed house in Godric’s Hollow he knew that Dumbledore was right. Even though he hadn’t seen any evidence he knew it and it tore his heart. 

***

He’d never forget the terrible hope he experienced in the moments when he searched the ground floor. He was so desperately hoping that Dumbledore had been wrong. Errare humanus est. To err is human. So, so human. But so was death. And death is inevitable. And too early. Too often way too early. 

As he went upstairs he almost fell back down. And if others would’ve been there, they would’ve been able to hear his heart break into thousand tiny pieces. He broke down and hit the ground. If he hadn’t been numbed by the pain in his heart, he would’ve noticed the pain in his knees. 

He desperately tried to find a heartbeat, a tiny sign of air leaving breathing lungs, the smallest hint of life in a lifeless body. He didn’t find it. 

He remembered what he learned while doing his driving license. Cardiac massage. He started counting while doing the compressions. He almost felt bad for humming the song the instructors told him to get the right rhythm. Highway to Hell by AC/DC. He and James always joked about how inapropiate this song was for such a situation. 

He couldn’t recall for how long he tried to reanimate him, three minutes, five minutes, thirty minutes, an hour? It could be all of them. Suddenly he feld a warm hand on his back. He petrified. Merlin, how could he be so dumb? What if You-Know-Who was still here? He should’ve checked the entire house first. 

“It’s too late, Sirius,” a deep, well-known voice said. It wasn’t He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. It was Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Ground of Hogwarts, the half-giant who had been close to the Marauders and Lily during their school time. Tears were glittering in his long, dark beard as he helped Sirius up. “You can’t do anything anymore. He’s gone.” 

“No, no, … no. I – if only I’d try long enough. It can‘t be. That‘s impossible. I can’t … I can’t – I just can’t.”

“I know. I know,“ Hagrid hugged Sirius tightly. “Dumbledore told me,“ he said after he let him go, “that the boy is apparently still alive.” 

“Where from?” 

Hagrid shrugged. “I don’t know. He just told me. No explaination.” 

In his confusion Sirius completely forgot about the guards that were supposed to watch over Lily and James. Years later he found out that one of them apparated to Dumbledore as soon as You-Know-Who showed up. The others barely slipped his killing spell but apparating to the Order’s headquarter. To this day they are being punished by immense guilt. 

“Let’s try find the boy, okay?”, Hagrid said and put one arm around Sirius who tried his best to resist him but the half-giant was too strong for him. 

***

As they reached one-year-old Harry’s room, Sirius faced his second catastrophy on that evening. A curse left his lips and he lunged at the body on the ground. Lily’s long hair was spread around her head like a flaming red halo, her lips curved in a little smile and her green eyes focused on nothing anymore. 

For the second time this evening Sirius allowed himself one cry of grief. Behind him Hagrid sniffed softly but Sirius didn’t even notice. Just as he didn’t notice the person in black clothes, which stood behind the door and that grimmaced as soon as they saw Sirius and disapparated. 

“I’m so, so, so sorry,” he whispered and closed her eyes. This time he didn’t try to reanimate her, her skin was too cold already, it was too late. 

The crying of a child woke him from his trance. Harry. Harry Potter. The boy that Voldemort marked as his equal. For a second a malicious thought overcame him, why Voldemort didn’t choose Neville Longbottom, the son of his friends Alice and Frank Longbottom but even before he could form that thought in his mind, he hated himself for even considering of thinking that. It wasn’t Neville’s fault, not Alice’s or Frank’s. It wasn’t Lily’s fault or James’s. And especially not Harry’s. 

It was his fault. 

Sirius got up again and took the small boy out of his crib. “Come here, come to Uncle Padfoot. Everything’s gonna be okay, we’re gonna care for you, Uncle Moony and I, right?” He made a funny face and tapped Harry with the finger on the nose. 

Harry giggled and Sirius hold him tighter. At least he still had him. 

Hagrid cleared his throat. “I’d need the boy now.” 

Sirius turned around, Harry slightly behind him, as if Hagrid was the enemy now. 

“Dumbledore wants to know him in safety. I’m supposed to bring him to his aunt and uncle.” 

“He’s gonna be in safety with me! He’s gonna have it much better with me than with those … monsters!”, he spit the last words out, with so much hate, he didn’t even know he had. 

Hagrid looked at him with pity and shrugged. “I’m just following Dumbledore’s orders, Sirius.” 

“And what if … what if you’d say, I was there before you? What if I had arrived earlier and took him with me. And then … then I’d be untracable? Because, because we left the country? That would be … rather unfavourable.” 

“Dumbledore knows you’d never leave the country. Especially not after …”, his voice cracked but Sirius knew what Hagrid was talking about. What else was the supposed to talk about? 

“Hagrid, please,” Sirius didn’t beg, never, he was way to proud for that. But if he wouldn’t be holding Harry on his arm, he would fall on his knees and beg Hagrid. “Hagrid, let me have the boy. He’s the only thing left from them. I’m his godfather. That’s what godfathers are for. I can take care of him, I promise. I know him much better than this monster.” 

But Hagrid shook his head. “I’m sorry, Sirius, I have to follow the orders.”


	2. November 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hagrid leaves Godric's Hollow and Sirius heads home, but doesn't stay there for very long.

As soon as Sirius couldn’t hear the motor of his bike in the air, everything burst out. As much as he tried to act calm, as crazy he went now. It felt like someone had cut his heart out of his chest – but not with professional instruments, no, the dull pocket knives you’d give to children to carve figures out of wood – set it on fire and then put it back in, still burning like it was took straight out of the fire of hell. It felt like someone had cast the worst Cuciatus curse of all times, and knowing it’d never stop made it even more painful. There was no spell someone casted, it was the tormenting, killing truth, the reality he’d be living with until he’d be reunited with his brother after death.

He took the plush dog out of Harry’s bed. It was his favourite toy. James had magically changed it a bit so it would look just like Sirius’s Animagus. Out of the three of Harry’s “uncles”, Sirius had been Harry’s favourite. And this hadn’t come as a surprise to anyone.

_I failed._

This thought really came out of nowhere and hit Sirius like a wrecking ball. James had made Sirius Harry’s godfather so that in case something happens to him and Lily, Harry could grow up at Sirius’s. So that Harry wouldn’t have to end up with Lily’s sister and her terrible, terrible husband who Harry had never met.

Sirius sobbed and opened his mouth in a silent cry. He failed. Hagrid took Harry to Lily‘s sister. Sirius had met her once, maybe twice in his life but he hated her like poison. And he knew that Lily herself didn’t like her that much anymore.

His thoughts wondered away. Remus … Remus would probably be devestated when he found out. _Oh Merlin, Remus._ Remus would probably blame himself for Lily’s and James’s death. Sirius picked himself up. He had to get to Remus sooner than the news. He had to be the one to bring him the news, before he could get it from someone else. Remus would need him. He would need Remus.

He disapparated, the plush dog still held tightly.

  
  


Sharp pain shot through his arm as he landed in his and Remus’s shared appartment. He cursing fell on his bottom. Apparently he hadn’t been fully concentrated when disapparating (not surprising at all) and hadn’t focussed on his destination properly and therefore splinched.

He tried finding his wand and pulled it with his hurt arm out of his hair where he had put his wand out of habit. His other arm caved in and he landed on his shoulder.

He heard a key turn in the lock and tried standing up.

“Merlin, Sirius, what are you doing there?”

Sirius exhaled reliefed and the pain in his arm reminded him that it was still there. Remus had arrived. “I … apparate.”

Remus carefully wiped his hair out of his face. “I kinda got that already. How long are you laying here?”

Sirius tried to shrug but his body refused to. So he shook his head, hoping Remus would understand.

“Okay, stay here. Don’t move. I’m right back.” Sirius knew that Remus, like every other proper wizard, had all the stuff you need to heal a splinched body part in his household. Remus went out of his view.

Sirius, who had been counting the stars in front of his inner eye, flinched as his wound started burning like hell. “What … are you … doing?”, he managed saying with compressed teeth.

Remus pushed down his arm. “I gotta clean the wound first, idiot. That burning is normal.”

Sirius gruntled but let Remus finish his treatment without any following protest.

  
  


A few minutes (or rather almost half an hour) later, Sirius layed on the sofa, high on painkillers, and his head in Remus’s lap.

“What did you do anyway?”, Remus asked and even if he didn’t address it directly, Sirius still knew what he was talking about.

Sirius had always been very proud of the fact that he passed the exam on Apparation in year six at one of the best students. Only Lily, Severus and a Hufflepuff had been better than him but he just choose to ignore that. Remus knew all to well that something must’ve happened for Sirius to splinch.

“I didn’t do anything,” Sirius muttered dull and felt the lump in his throat and the burning in his eye, announcing new tears.

“Hey, what’s the matter?”, Remus asked who noticed the sudden change in mood.

But Sirius couldn’t answer. He had seen it with his own eyes, yet he felt saying it out loud would make it more true.

„Hey, you know you can tell me everything. If it‘s … if it‘s about Walburga – I promise you, she won’t ever have a happy second in her miserable life if she hurt you again!”

Sirius felt a twinge in his chest, right next to his heart.  _ He thinks it’s about Walburga.  _ “It’s not about my family. At least not my biological one.”  By now tears are streaming down his cheeks and each sob is aching him in his belly and arm. He was hoping devoutly that Remus would understand his broad wink but he wasn’t sure if he did. 

But Remus seemed to understand a bit. “Did something happen to Lily and James?”

Sirius nodded, unable to say a word.

“Are they alright?” Now Remus sounded worried as well. Dumbledore had told them a few weeks ealier about Voldemort’s plan and since then they were on the watch. 

Sirius wagged his head.

Remus took him by the shoulder and shook him. His injury signaled but Sirius protested only a little bit. It was actually kind of satisfying, his physical pain reminded him that he was still alive and not only a empty shell of who he used to be. “Sirius. Tell me.  What happened?” 

He looked up and met Remus’s eyes. “I tried everything … really, everything I could do, really, believe me. I tried everything. I … I would still be there if not … I was too late, Remus, I was too late, it’s all my fault, everything is my fault, everything.”

Remus’s eyes were widened. “Sirius! What’s. Going. On?”

Sirius breathed in tremblingly. “I came too late, it was a matter of a few minutes. I should’ve known. I should’ve known better.”

“Sirius!”, Remus’s voice was unusually sharp. “Don’t … don’t tell me that …”

“You know what I’m talking about, Remus. Prongs and Lils … oh Merlin, why!”

Remus’s fingers  clasped Sirius’s shoulder. But then he seemed to remember his injury and took his hands from his arm. As Sirius looked up he saw Remus’s mouth opened in a silent scream, just like he did when he was still in the Potter’s house. 

Sirius sat up and took Remus’s hand in his own. “We can make this work. We …” Something changed in this facial expression and he jumped up. “I have something to do.”

“Padfoot!”, Remus called in surprised. “Stay. Stay. Please, stay with me.”

But Sirius had already disapparated.

  
  


This time everthing went right. Sirius ended up exactly at the adress he wanted to go to. Staggering, yes, but still safe. The house hadn’t changed at all since the last time he’d been here. It was decriped, the render already crumbled from the walls and shutters showed several damages from long gone thunderstorms and hail. The pane in the front door had been smashed but no one seemed to bother changing it. The wall was filled with graffiti – ACAB, a swastika where one half had already been removed and e ye of  p rovidence  to name a few. Usually Sirius would’ve grinned at this irony but this time he didn’t feel like smiling at all. 

Dawn was breaking, the sky started slowly turning into a gray-ish blue color and at the east the horizon was getting omniously bright. 

He put his hand through the shattered window, opened the door from inside and sprinted upstairs to the third floor. As he reached the door he was out of breath and kept ringing the doorbell. “Open up, you bastard rat”, he managed saying inbetween two heavy breaths. 

Then, finally,  after what felt like several hours , the door opened a notch and a sleepy Peter Pettigrew blinked at him. “Sirius!”, he said surprised and  folded the pocket knife he had in his hands. “ What are you doing here?”

Sirius snorted contemptibly. “You know why I’m here, Peter.” 

Peter closed his dressing gown in front of his chest. “What are you talking about?” 

He stared at his friend in disbelief. “Oh come one”, Sirius shouted, way too loud for the tiled stairway so that he startled himself, but he didn’t want to lower his voice now, “why do you think I’d want from you at this god-forsaken hour!” 

Sirius thought he saw something light up in Peter’s eyes but he turned around before Sirius could identify it. He closed the door behing him, a key ring in his hands. “Let’s talk outside. We don’t want to wake up the neighbours, do we?” 

Sirius didn’t really care who’d he walke up, he just wanted to get this conversation over but according to Peter’s expression this conversation would only take place in front of the house, so he followed him down the narrow staircase, all while thinking of a proper way to start the conversation.

“So, Sirius, my friend, what’s the matter?”, Peter said as they stood on the pavement.

The moment Sirius’s met Peter’s still sleepy, brown eyes, combinded with him adressing him as his friend – that was the moment he forgot ever possible way he could’ve started the conversation. “WHY!?”, he shouted instead so that the very few people around them turned their heads towards them. “WHY DID YOU DO THIS!?”

Peter’s innocent countenance turned into a mocking grin within seconds. Nevertheless he tried to continue acting the role of the unknowing dude that was just woken up in the middle of the night, even though his face already said differently. “I didn’t do shit. I don’t even know what you’re talking about?” 

Sirius looked him daggers and Peter unwillingly took a tiny step backwards. 

“Come on, old friend, let’s just calm down again, huh?” 

“Don’t ever call me your old friend again”, Sirius growled deep from his throat. 

“Aren’t we friend anymore?” Peter sounded surprised, overly surprised and because Sirius knew him so well, he knew whenever Peter wasn’t saying the truth or the entire truth, he would always over-act. And that’s what this reaction felt like. 

“Not after you killed my brother!” 

Peter laughed and lifted his hands. “Sirius, I never did anything to Regulus. Besides, he’s at Hogwarts, in safety. Merlin, I didn’t know he had such paranoia because of him.” 

“I. Am. Not. Talking. About. Regulus. And you know that just as well as I do.” Sirius took a small break for dramatic reasons. “I am talking about James. James and Lily!” 

“ _I_ didn’t lay a finger on them”, Peter said and even though the rage was boiling in him, Sirius had to admit that he wasn’t lying. It hadn’t been Peter who lifted his wand against them. But he betrayed them.

“But you betrayed them!” His opposite remained silent. “Lily and James, Peter, Lily and James. How could you?!” 

A group of teenagers passed them, seven or maybe eight. They and the other muggles had been out of earshot, until now. 

“Lily and James, Sirius”, Peter said reproachful. “How could you?” 

Sirius blinked in surprise. “What – ?” 

Something in Peter’s expression had fundamentally changed, but before Sirius could interpret this, Peter put out the pocket knife out of the pocket of his dressing gown. Sirius now realized that it was the one, that Lily had gifted him a few years ago for christmas and the realisation stabbed him like a dagger. “Adiós, mi amigo”, he said spiteful. 

And everything around them exploded. 

  
  


Everything was blurry around him when he opened his eyes again. A loud bleep was everything he was able to ear on his right ear. 

“Mr Black?”, he heard a male voice saying, “Mr Black, you are hearby arrested.” 

He got pulled on his feet and dizzy as he was he didn’t even try to stop them from putting the cold handcuffs around his wrists. 

He only fulled grasped what happened as he sat in the car (that later turned out to be part of the equipment of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement). Outside of the van an auror was standing, the back turned towards him. Sirius had never understood why such guards were always standing with one’s back to the one they were watching. 

He knocked against the window, carefully at first, than more and more aggressive. He saw the young, strawberry blonde woman move her head a bit and sighed. She probably got orders to ignore him and not interact with him. 

“Ma’am, I’m asking you, please, would you be able to answer me a single question. Just the one? I promise, I’ll leave you to do your job afterwards. But I do think I’ve got the right to get my questions answered.” 

She was standing quite close to him so that he  just assumed she’d hear him, even though he didn’t talk very loud. 

“Really, I totally understand it, you just wanna follow your orders, but would you please be so kind and tell your boss that I want to talk to someone in charge?” 

Finally she turned her head and while she still didn’t looked him in the face, she at least looked in his direction. “I hope you realise that it’s impossible for me to leave my position?” 

Sirius lowered his head. “Of course. Either way, I have the right to an attorney and especially the right to know what’s going on.” 

She snorted and Sirius suddenly remembered where he knew her face from. She had graduated from Hogwarts a few years before him, he estimated her age around twenty-four. “You don’t know? I’d know it if I killed this many innocent people.” 

Sirius’ eyes got bigger in surpise. “I – what? I didn’t kill anyone?! I – I could never!” 

She turned her face away again and didn’t respond anymore, no matter how hard he tried catching her attention. 


	3. November 2, 1981

The time he had spent in the tiny cell, has felt like eternity. Useless eternity. After all, he was innocent! Someone had to be able to prove this, right? This was one of the most important cases in the history of the wizarding world, wasn’t it?

The sunlight, sending its warm and comforting rays through the basement’s narrow windows where he was being locked up, was the only thing telling him the time. And since it had already set and risen once it had to be November 2.

This meant James and Lily had left the world of the living more than thirty hours ago and their murderer … well, he didn’t know what happened to the Dark Lord but Pettigrew, the bloody traitor, was most likely dead. Most likely. He wasn’t too sure about that. Peter had always been a master in escaping death while being on missions for the order. But now that Sirius thought about it that was probably because he wasn’t actually fighting enemies but his allies, his friends.

He spent every single second hoping Remus would come around. He had to know about him being arrested. It would surely be in the Daily Prophet. Or maybe he arrest had been overshadowed by James and Lily’s murder and the dissappearance of the Dark Lord. That could be. Maybe Remus had been too shocked to continue reading the Daily Prophet. Or maybe he was out there, desperately trying to find Sirius, unknowing he was actually held captive in the dungeons underneath the Ministry of Magic.

He had already been told the wizen gamot was to judge his case but he knew they weren’t as unbiased as they sometimes wanted to look like, so he deeply hoped they would be on his side. Remus once told him about the muggles’ judicial system. There Sirius would have the right to an attorney and he would be innocent until proven guilty. So if they didn’t have enough evidence to proof his guilt they would tend to acquit him, instead of jailing him innocently.

But he highly doubted the wizen gamot would approach this way. Those humpy witches and wizards were everything but fair judges, they never even experienced a judicial education and only acted in their own interest. Even worse, one of his great-uncle’s was a part of the wizen gamot and after how he “acted up” as Walburga always tended to call it when he was still living at Grimmauld Place, he surely wouldn’t willingly declare him innocent.

But Sirius tried his best to remain optimistic. Dumbledore would surely help him. He had proven to be a loyal and foremost valuable member of the Order of the Phoenix more than once. Dumbledore himself had complimented him after a battle once, he pointed out Sirius’s well-casted double charms – the ability to keep up a Progeto while attacking his opponent at the same time.

The door opened and Sirius, still chewing on the hard rust of the bread they gave him, lifted his head. It couldn’t possibly be time for his next meal, could it? Just as the times before he had taken his time to eat, but surely not an entire afternoon?

A wizard entered the room. He wore a uniform – loose-fitting trousers, a button-up and cloak, all in a dark blue colour. He kept his wand pointed at Sirius. “Mr Black?”

Unintentionally, Sirius stood up and long, silver-ish strings left the man’s wand, tying his arms to his torso, so tight that no matter how hard he fought, he couldn’t free himself. “What do you want?”, he asked, more aggressive sounding than he originally intended to.

“I want to be safe from you”, the wizard answered.

Sirius snorted. “I don’t have a wand. How could I possibly do anything to harm you, even if I wanted to, if I don’t have a wand?”

The wizard smiled at him derogatorily. “I don’t know what the Dark Lord taught you. And everyone learns the basics of performing wandless spells at Hogwarts and I heard you were extraordinarily good at that, Mr Black?”

Sirius blinked, confused about whether he should be offended by the accusation of being a Death Eater or flattered by the compliment. “Sir, I don’t know what you’ve heard about me but I am not a death eater. I despised my family for their political convictions.”

“Enough with the excuses! I don’t want to hear about this!”

Sirius muted immediately, this tone sounded all too familiar and he knew what this meant. But until he realised that he wasn’t at 12 Grimmauld Place and that it wasn’t Walburga Black shouting at him in anger, seconds passed in which the wizard in uniform continued talking.

“Mr Black, it’s not looking good for you. Your charge is a lot to unpack.”

No shit, Sherlock, Sirius thought grimly but didn’t answer. He’d just be interrupted, no one would bother listening to him anyway.

“Don’t you want to say anything?”, the wizard said with a disgusting grin on his face.

“Oh, so now I am supposed to –”, he began the sentence but changed his mind before finishing it and backtracked. “You know, I think I’d rather save my energy for the court room.”

“Yes, see, I wanted to talk with you about this as well. You won’t be given an attorney by the court. You have to find one yourself.”

Sirius clenched his teeth. He should’ve known this. Of course, the Black family had an attorney (even though he had never made an actual appearance in court, no one would dare attacking the noble and most ancient House of Black. And since Sirius had been disinherited a few years ago, he highly doubted he would be granted access to this attourney. Maybe it’d be better to enter this trial without an attorney? He’d lose either way.

“Do you have an attorney, Mr Black?”

Sirius shook his head. “No. Not yet. Can I please make some phone calls to get myself one?”

“No.”

He didn’t expect a different answer. “Then it looks like I’ll go into this trial without an attorney. When will it be?”

“Tomorrow.”


	4. November 3, 1981

He never thought he’d miss the sticky, damp cell but exactly that was the case as they walked him down the long, dark hallways. At least he had been alone there, no one staring at him with curiosity and hate.

They had woken him in the small hours, and proceeded to shave him, after ordering him to washing his face and brushing his teeth. Apparently, he wasn’t allowed to hold sharp things, including razor blades. He had been able to take a shower – to his own surprise even with hot water – and they gave him clothes. Granted, it wasn’t exactly what he’d wear voluntarily but blue jeans, a white shirt, black shoes and a terrible purple and blue chequered tie was still better than the hideous prison uniform. Except maybe the tie. He had been brought a pretty big breakfast (big in comparison to the bare bread and water prior) and even coffee.

“You should’ve taken the attorney, Mr Black”, the security guard whispered in his ear. Sirius tried to spit on him but missed, unfortunately. It had been close though and that alone was enough to please him.

Just before he could enter the octagonal court room, he froze, his feet barely touching the threshold. He knew the room, he’d been there a few times before but it had never been this packed. But then he remembered that the interest of the entire British wizarding community, perhaps even the world as a whole was in the process. The flashes of the reporter’s cameras blinded him but since his hands were tied on his back he wasn’t able to shield his face from it.

In the back of the room, even behind the last row, right next to the door, he spotted Remus. Even from a distance he noticed how miserable he looked. Dark circles garnished his face right underneath the seemingly reddened eyes. He wore those light-coloured corduroy trousers that were too big on him, a darker coloured woollen sweater, his long coat and a thick scarf. His favourite clothes.

He almost blended in with the walls, just as he usually tried to when Sirius or James weren’t around, and he didn’t not participate in any of the agitated chatter around him. He had a red to-go cup between his hands on which he sipped occasionally. Sirius recognized the shop, he knew exactly what was in there. Black coffee with three-quarter packs of sugar, nothing more and nothing else. Sirius had always taken the other part of the sugar pack.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the trial of today, Tuesday, November 3 rd , 1981”, the judge said as they finally moved Sirius to his place.

He froze when the heard the date. Of course he knew that his trial was on November 3 rd , he just didn’t realize that it was November 3rd. And his terror had nothing to do with the fact that Lily and James had died over three days ago. Or that all those Muggles had been dead for over two days. And Peter probably too.

The worst part about the start of his trial was that it was on his 22nd birthday. He was supposed to be sitting in his cosy little London apartment right now, sipping his coffee with a lot of milk and one and a quarter packs of sugar. He invited James and Lily over for the afternoon, of course little Harry would’ve been there too. So would’ve Peter.

_ Peter.  _ Even thinking the name send shivers down his spine.

“First the indictment will be read,” the judge continued after the audience had finally gone quiet. “Sirius Orion Black III, born November 3rd, 1959 is charged with the murder of twelve yet to be identified muggles and the wizard Peter Pettigrew. Furthermore he is accused of aiding and abetting the murders of Lily Martha Potter, née Evans and James Fleamont Potter and the attempted murder of Harry James Potter.”

“WHAT?!”, Sirius couldn’t help but shouting. All head turned to him and he noticed from the corner of his eye how Remus lowered his coffee cup with aroused interest. At the same time he couldn’t help but notice the wizard who had not only told him about the lawyer situation the day before but also taught him about the rules of behaviour in a court room shaking his head

“I’m supposed to have killed Jamie?!”, his voice broke, “I – I could never kill my deerest. He was my brother. He was – he was all I had.”

Remus looked hurt for one second but Sirius held back the comment. Clearly, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement didn’t do their job properly, otherwise they could’ve put one and one together and Sirius wouldn’t have to be here today. But making his relationship with Remus Lupin public now, definitely wouldn’t increase his chances of being acquitted. And Remus knew, no matter how much Sirius adored him (a lot), James always came and would always come first for him.

“I wouldn’t harm a fly,” Sirius stammered, on the verge of tears, “I swear on everything in this godforsaken universe, on my life, on Remus’ life, damn it, even on Harry’s life: I didn’t kill any of these twelve muggle, nor Peter and certainly not Lily or James.”

“Mr. Black, that’s enough. We know what happened in that alley on the early morning of November 1st.”

“You do?”, Sirius’ sounded too hopeful that it even hurt himself. Maybe, maybe it was really all just a misunderstanding, maybe a bad prank on him. “But … what … what am I even doing here?”

“We know that you killed Mr. Pettigrew, one of your oldest and closest friends as I should add by the way, by performing a  _ Bombarda Maxima  _ spell on him.”

Sirius unwillingly took a step backwards, the judge’s words hit him like a punch in the stomach. “What the hell?! That’s  _ so _ not what happened! It was Peter, that little rat! I didn’t kill anyone! Peter did! Surely, you checked the history of spells that were last cast by my wand, right? You won’t find any sort of killing curse and or blasting spell in recent history. Please, I –“, he hesitated a second but then decided to put all his eggs in one basket, “I’m begging you, I am innocent.”

“So you’re claiming not to be in cahoots with the … with He-who-must-not-be-named? You are saying Mr. Pettigrew did all of this himself?” He laughed, short and mockingly. “What is Mr. Pettigrew’s motive?”

“Please, what is  _ my  _ motive?! Sir, give me a reason why I would kill my closest friends.”

“You are a Death Eater …”

Sirius’ face flushed with anger as he fumbled at his left sleeve to undo the buttons. “I am most definitely not a Death Eater! I don’t have a dark mark on my arm – holy shit, why doesn’t this button go open, what even is this?”

He could hear the judge clicking his tongue in disapproval. Eventually, the button came open but at the same time he ripped it off. With a faint cling it fell onto the marble floor but Sirius finally was able to expose his left forearm. There were some tattoos, footprints running over his arm, the phases of the moon next to it. The full moon shone silvery. Which meant it had recently been a full moon, or maybe one was to arrive soon. It wasn’t able to be done more precisely, the tattoo.

“What do these tattoos mean?”, the judge asked.

Sirius grimaced. “None of your business. They are not relevant to the case, I can assure you that.”

“Your testimony counts nothing, you are the accused in this case”, the judge said.

“I’m speaking as my attorney,” Sirius said stubbornly. “And I can assure you my client’s tattoos have nothing to do with the case. I’d declare that under an oath. And so would my client.”

“That goes without saying,” the judge replied coldly and switched the conversation back to the actual topic. “If I understand correctly, you’re saying you’re client has nothing to do with You-know-who, his Death Eaters and or his ideology?”

“Of course. My client was in the Order of the Phoenix, a resistance movement  _ against _ him,” Sirius said, trying to sound as calm and professional as possible.

“Are there any witnesses that can testify this?”

“Obviously. Alice and Frank, Marlene and Dorcas, Molly and Arthur and Remus and Dumbledore and Hagrid and Moody and –”, in his excitement, Sirius hadn’t even notice that he had listed to already deceased members, Marlene and Dorcas, until he had finished speaking. However, the judge did not miss this. Sirius on the other hand didn’t miss how the judge’s expression had shifted as soon as he had mentioned Dumbledore’s name.

“Mr. Black, you are aware of the fact that both Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadows – who I assume you meant – passed away a few months ago?”

Sirius looked down of his hands. He had been close with them, especially with Marlene, even though they had a permanent fight going on. A very sibling-like relationship, Remus used to say. “Of course. I just forgot, due to my nervousness.” There was more pain in his voice than he intended to. But who knew, maybe this could help his case?

“And by Frank and Alice you are talking about Frank Longbottom and Alice Longbottom, née Fortescue, yes?”, Sirius nodded. “They are also unavailable to testify, due to obvious reasons.”

The mood in the room shifted but Sirius couldn’t explain why. “What obvious reasons?”

Surprise showed up on the judge’s face. “Both Frank and Alice Longbottom were tortured to insanity yesterday, but followers of He-who-must-not-be-named. The experts at St. Mungo’s hospital doubt they will ever fully recover from it. Therefore, they are unable to show up to court as witnesses.”

Sirius whirled around and stared Remus right into the face who nodded his head, such a small movement that it was almost barely noticeable.

“Remus Lupin, the young man you are staring at so rudely, cannot be questioned as an unbiased witness either,“the judge continued seemingly unbothered.

“I know my Moony!”, Sirius snapped back, without thinking about his words first.

“Your Moony?”, the judge asked with rising interest.

“Moony is a stupid nickname for Remus, back from when we were still at Hogwarts. You know, because he’s called Remus. Like the co-founder of Rome that was raised by wolves? Just an inside joke.”

“I was more interested in the ‘my’ part of that sentence”, the judge continued.

“All of our friends are now either dead or insane, it’s just the two of us now. My moonlight and me.”  _ So much to ‘keeping the relationship secret’, huh, Sirius? _

“The hearing of evidence is now over, the court is withdrawing. The verdict can be expected in a few minutes.” The judge stood up and gave the guard standing next to Sirius who led him to the defendant’s bank.

Despite his admittedly very limited knowledge of the judiciary, Sirius knew that this had been everything but a fair trial. The court had not heard any witnesses, nor did any prosecutors show up. He should’ve know that he wouldn’t be having a fair trial but he had been too naive, too hopeful, too stubborn to acknowledge that beforehand.

He tugged at his handcuffs, adjusted them a bit, all while trying to look as unbothered as possible while letting his eyes wander through the masses sitting on the stands. His gaze stopped on a face that was unfortunately all too familiar. He exhaled audibly, lowered his eyes to his hand and picked the dirt out from under his fingernails.

He should’ve known. He should’ve at least assumed that his family would not want to miss this chance to see him in court. They were probably even proud of him. The thought alone made him feel sick. How long did he try to get his parent’s approval. And now he had it. It was a nasty irony the fate presented him with here.

The Wizengamot came back into the room and everyone stood up. Sirius got a hard push in the side, even though he was already getting up. A small, personal revenge form the security guard for trying to spit on him before. Sirius couldn’t blame him.

“Your honour,” Sirius said, although he wasn’t told to speak but something has crossed his mind, a last, desperate try, “Sir, I was in the resistance movement against Voldy, remember?”

People around him gasped for air. Saying Voldemort’s name out loud was incredibly brave to do but making fun of him – no one in the right bin would dare to do that.

“You mentioned that, yes, despite not providing any evidence for that,” the judge said after recovering from the shock.

“And while doing so, I fought some Death Eaters,” Sirius continued unbothered. “What would you think If I’d compile a list, a list of Death Eaters that you can condemn with all fairness. Just like me. With the only difference being, that those actually have real charges with foundations, unlike me.”

For a moment the judge actually looked like he would accept the offer but then he seemed to reconsider it. “Mr. Black, I respect your bravery and stubbornness, but this is a bribe of the court.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, getting bolder and bolder. “Don’t pretend you’re that unbiased. You aren’t. And everyone in this room knows that. Including yourself.

“For this comment, Mr. Black, you’ll have to pay a fine of one galleon,” he said coldly.

Sirius shrugged. “What am I supposed to do with all that money when I’m spending the rest of my life in Azkaban. Because that’s what I’ll be expecting, right, Mr. Judgy? You sentenced me, without any witnesses, without any evidence. You haven’t even checked my wand, have you?”

“Two more galleons, Mr. Black, and now shut up. The court will announce the verdict.”

“Rude,” Sirius muttered, not really trying to speak quietly.

“Mr Sirius Orion Black III,” the judge began to read, “has been found guilty of thirteen murders, assisting two murders and attempting one other murder. Therefore he is sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban. Thank you very much.”

Sirius snorted disparagingly. “Told you so,” he said as the aurors guided him out the door.


End file.
